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At
New York's Kennedy International Airport today an individual, later
discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board
a flight while in possession of a ruler, a T-square, a protractor, a
slide rule, and a calculator.
Attorney
General John Ashcroft believes the man is a member of the notorious
Al-gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying weapons of math
instruction.
"Al-gebra
is a very fearsome cult indeed," Ashcroft said. "They desire average
solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on a tangent in a
search of absolute value. They consist of quite shadowy figures, with
names like "x" and "y" and although they are frequently referred to as
"unknowns," we know they really belong to a common denominator and are
part of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the
great Greek philanderer, Isosceles, used to say, "there are three sides
to every triangle."
When
asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted
us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us
more fingers and toes."
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Dr. Lazarus is one of the True Prophets
and one who has Received direct Communications from the Ethereal
Host. 
