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Starting
Your Own Cult, with Dr. Emeril Lazarus
Growth is everything!
With enough new members coming in, each one turning over their worldly
possessions, you'll soon be swimming in pools filled with cold hard cash--all
for the Good of the World and the Greater Glory of His Word as You interpret
It.
But your own community
will hardly be large enough to absorb all the new arrivals you'll need
for this Dream or Vision to become a Reality. You'll need to expand in
other areas, other cities. How can you do this and still maintain the
absolute authority you crave and that your organization demands? The answer
comes, not surprisingly, from the world of fast food--franchising.
With the proper set-up
you will only have to maintain control over the "owners" of
each franchise you allow to be established. I put "owners" in
quotation marks because they will own nothing--you will own them!
Let's look at a sample
scenario. Suppose you are the Divine Inspiration and First Citizen of
the Sons Of Divine Order and Majesty (SODOM), and that your cult is ready
to expand into other cities. Ideally your organization has been around
for a few years and has an established church and bunker with an effective
recruiting team. It's also important that you have a successful sustainable
revenue model--one that's not dependent only on donations from new recruits.
One option open to
SODOM would be to entrust one or several of your lieutenants to start
up a new branch in another city. The advantage to this approach is that
the people starting up the location are already familiar with the product
and are firmly under your Iron Thumb of Absolute Authority. However, their
will, having been absolutely crushed during their indoctrination, will
no longer allow them to be flexible to deal with unexpected challenges.
They will lack the charisma necessary to carry out Your Will. In a word,
they will be insipid and weak leaders.
You will find yourself
spread thin supervising your staff, correcting their Errors and instilling
the enthusiasm necessary in whatever recruits they manage to bring in.
More importantly than
this, however, is if the new location does not Take Root, if the Devil
is too firmly entrenched in this Den of Iniquity, the parent organization
will still have to pay the expenses of closing down shop and pulling out
of the area.
Contrast this to a
franchise system where potential area leaders are recruited for their
business acument and personal charisma.
During special training
sessions they are carefully inculcated into the Mysteries of Your Divine
Revelation.
The franchisees front
the capital needed to build your organization, in fact they'll pay you
a handsome fee for the privilege to do so. They will also give you an
annual percentage from their haul. And you, of course, will own their
souls entirely. They assume all the risks associated with developing an
organization, allowing you to concentrate on what you do best--developing
their inner wealth while they shed themselves of their worldly possessions.
In the unfortunate
event that the new location fails it is the franchisee who is left holding
the bag--you just revoke his license for not paying the appropriate fees
and walk away!
The choice
is clear. When you're ready for expansion consider setting up a franchise
system.
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