Starting
Your Own Cult, with Dr. Emeril Lazarus
The time is right, and the time is now! The Lord has spoken to you. He
has commanded you to create the New Jerusalem, to prepare for His arrival,
to gather the flock, bring together the faithful, spread the Word. Blinded
like Paul on his way to Damascus, you are now set to follow His Way.
But how do you start
such an ambitious project? How can you convince the unwashed masses that
you are not just another crank? What kind of political structure do you
set up for your Heaven On Earth? How do you deal with challenges to your
authority--authority you received directly from On High?
These are some of
the questions you will be facing after the warm glow of Revelation and
Epiphany have worn off. To help get you started on your way to creating
a genuinely sustainable cult and all the International Recognition and
Adoration of Thousands that comes with it I've been asked, no, Commended
to your Guidance.
After you've received
your Message(s) and have your Orders from the Unnameable, where do you
start? Many Leaders of the Faithful believe finding the appropriate headquarters
for your group is as good as any. A good location is critical for proper
development of your human resources, funneling of psychic energies and
proper Worship without disturbance from the Outside World.
The proper location
can mean the difference between operating for years without hindrance
and being busted in a week by the forces of Evil--whether they are diguised
as Government, Military, or Friends and Neighbours.
Of course, as you
are just starting, you may have to be content with your mother's basement
for a few years until the cash flow can justify the expenditure, but keep
an eye out and start planning for your eventual Compound.
Factors to keep in
mind for your eventual location will vary depending on the Revelation
you received, but here are a few things to keep in mind. Look for sites
on magnetic meridiens for better channelling of Telluric Currents. Do
not worry about being too far from Jerusalem--I have received a prophecy
that God will be destroying it in a few years anyway. Places out of the
way seem to last longer than inner-city locations--but inner-city locations
allow for a higher membership growth. You may have to make a trade-off.
Some groups start off in the city and then move once they've reached a
critical mass. The Kunrath Caerdroia group has a unique approach: they'll
develop an inner city site for months and then disappear, leaving all
but their hard-core members out in the cold. They'll then start again
in another site, far away from where they last were. This approach isn't
for everyone, but shows what is possible.
Don't forget about
defense. It is possible that Satan and his Minions will lay your Temple
under siege. Of course the Lord will protect you and crush your Enemies,
though they be Legion, but don't leave it all to Him. Make sure your location
is on higher ground so you can see the FBI when they come trotting up.
Walls are good, but if they aren't there don't despair. You (or your faithful)
can build those, and add the barbed wire and gun placements on top. A
well or some other source of water is a good idea too.
I personally like
the idea of having one main entrance, and then a secret exit that only
you know about. When my cult was leaving this Vale of Tears I received
a sudden Message that Now was not My Time--I still had Work to do. If
it wasn't for the secret exit that only I knew about the feds would have
nailed me. It may save you too.
Location
is an important factor for your cult. I hope this brief essay has given
you a few ideas to think about. |