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Starting
Your Own Cult, with Dr. Emeril Lazarus
One of the hardest
things to keep track of in your cult is the accounts. Because your Received
Vision probably had nothing to do with filthy lucre, and everything to
do with The Way, you may find it difficult to keep a good supply of cash
flowing through your organization.
Although your beliefs
are founded upon Love or Wisdom or some-such abstract Goodness, we unfortunately,
for the present anyway, still live in a blemished world. Until that is
fixed your cult will have to make ends meet using the coin of the realm.
How can you gain your
daily bread without corrupting your soul, or the souls of those in your
charge? There are a number of avenues, all proven successes. In this article
we'll look at an important source of income: your new recruits.
Keep in mind that
those who have been only recently Seen the Light of your Benevolent Teachings
have come from this Corrupt Vale of Tears, and until they are Saved by
You, are probably making their way through it with some sort of job. Sometimes
your recruits can be very "successful." Don't throw this opportunity
away!
Although you may want
to eventually move the new recruit into your compound, nothing says it
has to be done overnight. Many churches have used a system of tithes for
thousands of years, and some of them are very rich! Don't be afraid to
siphon off the money of your converts, increasing the size of "acceptable"
donations until they can no longer afford to live in the world and are
forced to come live on the Hallowed Ground of your New Jerusalem.
Just make sure that
all donations are voluntary. Done the right way the new member will only
be too happy to give all their money for The Cause.
There are some highly
successful cults that encourage their members to keep working, even after
they have moved into the compound. All money they make goes into the coffers
of the cult--for the Greater Glory of God, of course. This may be the
route for your cult, but if you want your members to spend their time
basking in your Eminence and Grace they will eventually have to quit their
jobs. At this point they could become a liability, as now you will have
to support them.
This you could do,
with the Help of the Vision you have Received, but they'll also need nourishment
for their bodies as well as their souls, and so another source of money
will be needed.
Before new recruits
make the big move into your Family, make sure they liquefy all their possessions
and hand over the cash to you. This is a good test of their Fidelity and
Faithfulness to the Truth, and also to you as the Leader of the Army of
Light.
At this point
you can see the value of constantly recruiting new members, especially
people from the professions and other highly paid occupations. Once you've
cured them of the temptations of this world, by removing that which belongs
to Caesar, they will be ready to help your organization move to the next
stage of fiscal responsibility by developing industries to sustain itself.
We'll leave the details of that for another article, but properly conceived
and implemented the Adepts of your Training will keep your Vision and
Plan afloat for many years.
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